52:28 - moments

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*** I realize I thanked the wrong dude!  In my haste to get back to blogging it was all done late one night and clearly my mind wasn't functioning at full capacity.  I thought about changing it, but I think it is funny and so true of what I was going through at that time. (waking up 6+ times a night with Mya.  Mama was sleepy!)***

Mya was crying because I walked away from her to get something from the kitchen.  Carter walked over to her and said "ismkay" and hugged her.  I raced for my phone on the counter as quietly as possible as to not disturb the most amazing sight before me.  Unlocked it as fast as possible, and pressed the camera icon like a maniac.  I took as many pictures as I could because these moments are usually very short lived.  This hug, however, lasted much longer than normal.  He hugged her for at least a minute.  And you better believe that she stopped crying as soon as he walked over to her and said "ismkay" and by the time he was hugging her she was giggling and grabbing for his hair.  My heart couldn't decide if it wanted to explode into fireworks or melt into a huge puddle on the floor.    You better believe I had the largest shit grin on my face and had a serious case of love laughs.  These moments are pure gold.  Crying and meltdowns are forgotten and I stand back and watch the love between the two of them and thank my lucky stars that I have them both and that they have each other.  And then I fall a little more in love with my iphone.  If I didn't have it I would have never captured this moment.

52:27 - changing

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Those two kids are my heart and soul.  I never knew how much I wanted, and needed, each of them.  They each have completed me in ways I never knew possible.  They have changed me.  When it comes down to it the most important change is to let go of the things that really don't matter.  This is a work in progress... just ask Joe.  But it is a conscious work in progress.  My kids are happy and healthy and the most amazing little people.  That will always carry so much more weight than how clean my house is or weather or not my husband picks up his socks.     

52:26 - guilt

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I'm learning.  I'm letting go.  I'm accepting that for me to be the best mom I can be I also need to be just Tara sometimes too.  I'm pushing this mommy guilt out and embracing alone time.... or at least I'm trying!  Joe had to push me out of the house but once I was out.... I spent an hour and half sitting in a Starbucks chair with my lattle and my kindle book.  Nothing to clean, no diapers to change, laundry, etc.  It was refreshing.  A few hours here and there can do a world of good to my mental well being.  I've also learned that I need a creative outlet.  I've taken up sewing.  I should get back to writing and blogging.  I need to work on that.     

52:25 - home

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As of this moment we're moving again.  I say "this moment" because if you're familiar with our story you know that our moves and when the moves happen change with the wind and change frequently.  We're like a dandelion family.  Changing direction with the wind.  It is not in my personality to let big things, such as moving, have such uncertainty floating around.  I'm a planner.  But here's the thing; you have to learn to live with and accept the hand you're dealt.  I will say, however, that I never in a million years imagined that marrying a man that works in construction management would mean moving around all the time.  One thing that brings me some peace in all of this is knowing that I can create a home for my kids no matter where we go.  

We headed to Iowa City to check things out.  Carter stayed with Nana & Papa and Mya came with us.  These were two big deals for us.  I've never been away from Carter for longer than 18ish hours.  This would be a whole weekend.  And Mya had never been an "only" child.  Carter had a blast with Nana & Papa and Mya was a little road trip trooper.  

 

For what it's worth Iowa City actually seems pretty decent.  When Joe told me Iowa, I thought "oh good lord why?".  But as it turns out Iowa City seems very family friendly.  We'll see when, and if, this moves pans out.  But like I said, as of now we're moving there sometime this fall or early next year.  How's that for a plan? :) 

project 52:24 - having a baby daddy

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My kids have a great dad.  His love for them knows no bounds.  While he usually keeps his emotions under wraps, when it comes to Carter & Mya his heart is on his sleeve, and plastered all over his face, at all times.  It makes me so happy to see the love between them.  To watch Carter run and give him a hug when he gets home from work.  Or to see Mya laughing like crazy while playing with her daddy.  It makes me so happy.

Carter is very much in a Daddy phase.  I try not to be offended that I'm chopped liver compared to Daddy and most days I'm simply happy to see the love between the two of them that I can't feel hurt.  

project 52:23 - happy

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I know this isn't the normal project 52 but this video cannot be missed.  Mya is one happy girl and she loves to laugh!  This little game with Daddy is always a hit!

52:22 - wrinkles

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Some of my supposed to be great ideas turn out to be the biggest flops.  Like his birthday present balance bike - he's still not into it!  Or the water table I bought Carter last year.  FLOP!  The hose and a puddle of mud and rocks captured his attention much, much longer than the water table.  Now, a year later I told Joe I wanted to get Carter a little blow up pool.  He was on board.  My mom, however, thought it was going to be a waste of money.  A small blow up pool is eight bucks.  For eight bucks it can be a flop.  Turns out those eight bucks were some of the best spent money ever.  To say he had a fun is a serious understatement.  He played non stop, all day long with this little pool.  He had fun!  We had fun, the dogs had fun.... and Mya was really sleepy that day and missed most of it! 

52:21 - eye opening

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These kids and the way they love each other is beyond words amazing.  Mya came out having this intense love for Carter.  It's adorable.  Carter, on the other hand, hasn't always paid much attention to Mya.  He'd randomly hug her or kiss her, but lately he is much more interested in what she's doing and wanting to interact with her.  Most mornings Mya spends a little time in her jumper.  Usually I'm cleaning up breakfast at this point.  One morning my back was turned to them and I hear "hi honey!" from Carter and turn to see him waving at her and sitting right in front of her face.  Adorable!  Now he does this almost every time she is in the jumper. 

project 52:20 - fast

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This weekend marked another milestone in my little dude growing up.  We converted his crib into a big boy bed.  *sniff, sniff*  We were a little nervous at all of the freedom that went with a big boy bed, but we knew we had to do it.  Carter was having a tough time sleeping in his crib.  He'd toss and turn like he couldn't get comfortable.  He'd do this for hours each night and before naps too.  

Saturday morning we made a super big deal about converting his crib into a big boy bed.  Carter still has a love for all things tools.  Bolts, screws, allen wrenches, etc.  Converting his crib into a bed was right up his alley!  After the transition was complete we all rested in his bed for a minute.  Carter had this huge happy grin on his face!

Then it was nap time.  Here came the real test.  We did our usual routine - reading books in his chair, then hugs and kisses before I put him in bed.  I laid him down in his big boy bed.  He sat and watched me walk to the door.  As soon as I turned the door knob he cried.  It was such a sad cry that I turned around and walked over to him.  He grabbed my hand and pulled me into his bed.  I laid down and he snuggle up against me so I was spooning him.  He turned on his seahorse and laid very still in my arms.  No more than 10 minutes later he was out like a light.  Now, this wasn't what I had planned by any means.  I knew that I couldn't start a habit of laying with him while he napped, or while he fell asleep.  I still know I can't do that.  But in that very moment with my little blonde boy snuggled into me and sleeping peacefully I didn't care.  We've never snuggled like that for a nap and my heart was jumping up and down in my chest screaming with happiness.  It was a perfect moment and I wasn't about to let it go.  We napped for about an hour and half - he woke up as I was trying to sneak out.  I figured it wasn't a total loss.  As least he slept in his bed.  Any other time he's in a big bed he doesn't even come close to sleeping - he thinks beds are for jumping, so I figured it was a little win that he actually slept in his bed and didn't use as a trampoline.  

Bedtime.  Joe normally puts Carter to bed since I am busy putting Mya to bed.  So we decided to be consistent and have Joe do his normal thing.  But I made it clear that Joe was NOT to lay and sleeping with Carter.  (do as I say, not as I do :) ).  They read books and again Carter grabs Joe's hand to pull him into bed.  Joe obliges and they lay in bed for a bit together.  Maybe 10 minutes later Joe kissed Carter goodnight and left the room.  Carter wasn't impressed.  He sat in his bed crying for a bit.  Then it was like a light bulb went off and he remembered he could leave his bed.  He went to the door and cried, turned on his light and cried some more.  After 10 minutes of on and off crying he went to his bed, grabbed his big blue puppy and brought it to his rocking chair and rocked with his puppy.  Joe and I were watching on the video monitor with these ridiculous grins on our face at how cute this all was.  Then he read a few books on the floor.  About a half our later he got back into bed and laid down.  No more than 10 minutes after laying down he was asleep.  His light was still on, but he was snuggled in bed and sleeping!  Yeay Carter!  (I went up a bit later to turn off his light)  

He slept in bed all night and seemed to be pretty comfy as he didn't move around much.  At 5am I was up with Mya and turned on his video monitor - he was still asleep.  I went back to sleep and woke up at 7 and saw that his bed was empty.  I scanned his room with the video monitor and found him sitting by his bookshelf reading books on the floor.  What a great way to wake up on a Sunday morning.  

He's growing up so quickly.  And while I would like it to slow down I am enjoying each and every new stage just as much as the last. 

project 52:18 - messy

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We started potty training on Friday.  Carter hates wearing diapers and was constantly pulling at them and/or taking them off.  He had also shown interest in going potty on the potty so we figured we might as well give it a shot.  Day 1 we had two major accidents.  We let him play the ipad.  Mistake!  He becomes way too engrossed in his favorite apps and doesn't even realize he went potty in his underwear.  I chalk those accidents up to parent error.  We should have known better.  The rest of the weekend he did really great.  But by day 2.5 he was so over the novelty of the potty that he was starting to hold it for later.  He was getting frustrated with having to stop playing to go potty.  Because of this we decided to be way more relaxed on day 3.  We never made him "try" and we totally let him take the lead.  He did so awesome!  No major accidents.  He'd start going a tiny tiny bit then realize it and stop!  We even left the house and went for a walk in the stroller and let Carter walk too.  

Our only concern at this point is that he might be holding it until nap or nighttime.  We are still using a diaper for these times.  His nap diapers were flooded.....but we're not sure if that was because he was holding it or simply because we'd been giving him so many liquids.  I guess time will tell!

Wish me luck for this week when I'm alone with a potty training 2 year old and an almost 4 month old!  I'm hopeful that we'll move past me urging him and asking him if he has to go potty and get to the point where he specifically tells me he has to go potty.  

And yes I realize that this entire blog post is about bodily functions.  But hey, that is what is going on in our lives right now!  Washing diapers and little boy boxer briefs - which are really cute, by the way.  Being a mom is so glamorous sometimes.

project 52:17 - routine

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I like a routine/schedule, it works for me, it works for my kidlets.  It was pretty easy to create a nice routine/schedule with Carter.  He was the only baby and I had plenty of time to be aware of what kind of schedule he was setting/I was creating.  Enter Mya.  Having two kids left me much less aware of what kind of routine and schedule I was creating for Mya.  Once my head was firmly above water again I was shocked to realize I didn't have one for her.  She was sometimes going hours between naps because I wasn't being actively aware of when she woke up and when she needed to sleep again.  Enter my stylebaby log.  It gives me a weeks glance at what we're doing - when she's eating, sleeping, getting meds, baths, etc.  It shows me the days that worked out really well for us and what days didn't.  How long to go between naps, bedtimes, etc.  I am happy to say that we are not carving out a great routine for Mya!   

project 52:16 - milestones

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I love milestones.  They are so fun to witness and I feel like it's a special privileged to be able to see them all for the first time.  I knew Mya was going to roll over someday soon.  She was able to get to her side but never went all the way over.  Then as we were playing she did it!  And I got to witness her very first roll.  From back to tummy.  But wait!  She wasn't done wow-ing me.  Then she went from tummy to back!  Go girl!  Not more than an hour later she giggled for the very first time.  I was nuzzling her tummy and neck and she started to giggle.  You better believe my heart was bursting with love and happiness.  At this point the day is one to remember.  A great milestone day.  Just as I'm thinking it can't get any better Carter tells me he has to go potty!  So to the potty we go and he goes potty on the big boy potty!  Amazing!     

project 52:15 - play dates

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This weekend Carter and I meet up with some college friends and their kiddos.  Carter suddenly isn't too sure of new places at first.  It seems to have changed right around his birthday.  He went from being totally chill in almost any situation to being very unhappy/scared in new places.  He spent the first 30 minutes crying and clinging to me.  Even after that he was pretty whiny throughout the day.  But he had fun regardless and wore himself out!  He was asleep in the car as we pulled out of the zoo parking lot!

In addition to Carter having new little buddies to play with it was so great to reconnect with Jamie and Sarah.  I cannot believe that college was already 9 years ago... and that's when I graduated.  We all started at the U 13 years ago!  Does that mean we're getting old?  It's crazy that now we all have 2 kids.  So I guess that means we are getting old :) 

project 52:13 - sibling love

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A day late on this project 52 business.  Joe was home today so it felt like Sunday.  We had a LONG night with Carter.  He was up and hysterical for a good portion of last night.  We brought him into our room so we could both snuggle him (he wanted us both).  He eventually settled down and looked like he was going to go to sleep between us.  If you know me, you probably know that I have been looking forward to that moment since he was born.  I have always looked forward to little feet walking to our room and a little bug climbing into bed and snuggling.  Anyway, last night it looked like it was going to happen.  Carter would lay down, then check to make sure Joe was there and turn to make sure I was there, then lay back down.  Just as I thought he was about to go to sleep he got chatty.  I've never seen him so chatty and lovey!  He was leaning over to me to kiss my arm or my cheek.  And he was patting me on the butt just like I do to him.  And he kept saying "hi honey".  My heart was melting it was so cute, but also SO late.  He ended up going back to his own room and we all finally got some sleep.  

Back on track.  Project 52 this week is sibling love.  Mya does not like the stroller.  Period.  She hates it.  The other day I'm walking and trying to soothe Mya and I see one of Carter's little hands reach over to Mya's side of the stroller and he pats her little leg.  Melt me!  And today he painted a canvas for her room.  It goes both ways this sibling love business.  Mya loves to watch Carter.  She'll just sit and watch him and be totally content.  The other day Mya had just woken up from a nap and Carter and I went to go get her.  He climbed up on her crib so he could see her and was smiling and laughing while looking at her.  She was staring at him and smiling.  Seriously.  I ran as fast as I could to get my phone.  Of course I missed the best part but you can get the idea from this pic.  Love these two!

  

project 52:12 - making time

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My dude is two!  How is he two already?  Time needs to slow down a little bit.  On Saturday we had family over to celebrate Carter's birthday.  He didn't nap that day and around 4pm he was getting a little cranky so we took a little time out on the couch to catch our breath and drink some milk.  After Carter finished his milk I noticed the familiar little body jerk that happens when he's asleep.  He went from awake and drinking milk, to totally asleep in about 3 minutes.  Then I started laughing because I was so happy that he was snuggled in my arms and sleeping - and my laughs almost woke him up.  My dude is two.  Two years ago today we were still in the Flagstaff hospital and I was falling deeply in love with the new man in my life.  It's amazing how you  have this intense and totally complete love for someone and you don't think you can love them any more and then somehow you love them more and more each day.  He makes my heart happy.   

project 52:11 - peaceful

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(apparently this project 52 is through the lens of my iphone.  which is ok with me as it is the most real day to day view of our lives)

I'm a happy mama over here.  We're really embracing our new normal and have settled into a pretty good routine.  I can do this mom of two kids thing and I will be good at it.  Fears be gone.  It is doable and it is awesome.  We may not get out of the house as much as we'd like, but we are embracing what have and soaking in these times that will fly by too quickly.  Big Bug is almost 2.  It seems that just yesterday I was figuring out how to get him to nap in his room, and settling into a routine with him and I.  That was almost 2 years ago.  It has flown by.  Now he's tall and happy and loving and opinionated and growing up so quickly.  And Little Bug is already 2 months!  She's growing like a weed (in 9 month clothes!) and is a social little butterfly.  She doesn't like the car seat, is getting used to the stroller, and loves to watch her brother and be held and talked to.  I keep thinking back to that quote - you don't need kids to be complete but once you have them you can't imagine being complete without them - so true.         

project 52:10 - dirty

 

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Carter is all boy.  Dirt, trucks, tools, banging things, etc.  Usually this kind of thing starts with me cringing at the mess I know is about to come and how unhappy he'll be when I have to scrub him down!  But seeing how much fun he has, I have to let it go.  I know I have years ahead of me with this exact sort of thing so I might as well embrace the mess and dirt now.  I just hope he never really likes bugs.  Ick.   

project 52:9 - melt your heart good

 

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This girl spoons like no other.  It seems that after a whole night of sleeping on her own (minus getting up to eat) that her love tank is empty and she is in serious need of some snuggles.  Around 5 am she comes into bed with me and I snuggle her in and we spoon.  She could be fussy and restless but as soon as she gets into spooning position she calms right down and falls back to sleep.  This is blow torch melt your heart good.  Joe shakes his head with a jealous smile and takes a picture.  I love mine babies. 

project 52:8 - double the fun

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(I'm pretty sure I just gave my kids some motherly advice just there.  Bask in the memories of the perfect days and wash away the bad.  I like it.)  Double the Carter... we were saying "look!  twins!"  Carter thought it was funny seeing himself in double on the ipad.  It's the little things that really get this kid going.

We had a few rough days this week.  And holy hell the rough days are rough with a capital F.  But then we had some really great, basically perfect days.  Those are the days I'm going to take away from this week and give me the boost to do it all again.  

project 52:7 - complete

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I cannot express how wholeheartedly I agree with the quote above. Years ago I wasn't sure I wanted kids. Joe laughs about this because these kids are the center of my world and my life would be no where near complete with out each of them.

Carter has been very affectionate with Mya lately. He'll go over to her and kiss her (smacking sound included!) or hug her, lay his head on her, etc. He's beginning to show interest in holding her so last night we had him sit on the couch and we put Mya on his lap. Carter wasn't as impressed with holding her as he thought he might be but he did hug her. Talk about completing me. Seeing my big kid hug/love my little kid. Melt my heart good. Actually it's more like set my heart on fire good. The picture is blurry but I wouldn't change it. It is such an accurate capture. Squirmy, fast moving Carter, with 2 bee's in the picture and a truck trailer giving his sister a hug with his head.

In other cute Carter/Mya news Carter tries to calm Mya. And it works. If she cries he'll go over and talk to her. The other day she was in the bouncy chair on the kitchen table and she started fussing. Carter walks over to the kitchen table and starts talking to her. Then he climbs up on the chair, gently puts his hands on her little legs, and leans in to talk to her. (Don't worry I was supervising, they were all safe.) You can bet I had the biggest grin on my face and tears in my eyes. Or if she's in the swing and fusses a bit he goes over and gently rocks the swing. Kid kills me he's so sweet and observant. What gets me the most is Carter is not a gentle kid. But he has been nothing but gentle with Mya. He seems to just know to be gentle with her and his soothing works and calms Mya. Although the other day we were sitting on the couch playing with the ipad and Mya started crying and he wanted her to go away so he could play in peace. Funny kid.

Yep. Wouldn't be complete without them. Love them to pieces!