conflicted

If home is where the heart is then my home is currently in two places. Leaving Minneapolis was a huge catch 22. I missed the dude I call husband and my big and little butts, and knew Joe was missing Carter like crazy, and thus I was excited about going home to Flagstaff. However, the feeling of home is still very much present at my parents house in Shoreview. I grew up there and called and considered that my real home for a long long time. Probably until we bought our house in Gilbert. So going home today was like leaving home without a known return date and thus I did not want to leave. I don't think I've ever been so torn in two directions.

Bug plays a huge role in this. My perspective on what is most important in life has shifted focus in the past few months. Being seriously blessed - and I mean blessed and I am not a person to say "I'm blessed..." - with the most amazing little bug who represents everything good and perfect in this world makes me want to give everything to him. My previous priorities of weather and houses has been replaced with family, family, and more family, and friends too. As I sit here and scratch the first mosquito bites I've had in a long time I could care less about mosquitoes, humidity, snow, cold cars, house sizes and new neighborhoods. What I do care about is Carter knowing his family and sharing in the great relationships we have. My mom said something that broke my heart - "The next time you see us you won't know who we are and we'll have to introduce ourselves 'Hi, we're Nana and Papa'". Carter smiled at her blisfully unaware and my heart shattered.

So while I walked through MSP today I was a mess of conflicting emotions. Excited to go to my home in Flagstaff to see my dude and dogs and for Carter to be reunited with his Daddy, but sad about leaving my home in Shoreview and my parents and Carter's Nana and Papa. I think Carter could sense my.... not even sure what to call it... maybe my uncertainty? Anyway he knew something was up. He was all smiles prior to going through security and leaving Nana and Papa. As soon as we were through security he seemed sad and unhappy and looked at me with these questioning eyes. We headed to the family area and were sad for a few minutes and then put on a smile and began our trip to our Flagstaff home and decided to be grateful for our time at our Shoreview home.